never grow up

long post alert.

last week, i was babysitting for some little girls (ages 2, 4, and 6), and it brought back the best kind of memories.

= the way the two older girls interacted...

= the way the older one tried to "take care" of the younger one in a motherly way...

= the way the middle girl listened to the older one with huge eyes...

= the way that they all said goodnight to each other, and i knew that forgetting to say "i love you" would have been the thing to make them cry themselves to sleep that night...

= the way they danced around while they sang 3 different songs, with each of the older girls "leading" a song (even if they didn't know the words)...

= the way they all stared at me during dinner and tried to sound old and mature...

... it was all a little surreal. because last time i checked I was the one trying to take care of my younger siblings, and they were looking up at me with huge eyes... I was the one who cried if my mom didn't sing that one certain special song, actually convinced that i couldn't go to sleep if she didn't... I was the one staring with awestruck eyes at the idolized older girl babysitting me...

at one point, all of the girls were playing hide-and-go seek, and the izzy, the youngest one, was the one "hiding." we're all waiting for her to call out "ready!" when all of a sudden she bursts around the corner on her wobbly, fat 2-year-old legs and yells "YOU FOUND ME!!"

the oldest one looked at me with a wise, big girl look. she explained to me that izzy didn't understand the game, really, but that "we should just pretend that she does." she looked up at me hoping for some kind of mutual, big girl understanding between just the two of us.

that is just the kind of thing i did with my babysitters... it felt beyond weird to have the roles reversed. what on EARTH happened?

later on in the evening, all the girls were dancing in that cute little way girls do... jumping back n' forth from one foot to another really fast, sliding across the floor in their sock-ed feet, looking down at their legs. from their expressions, they thought it was really cool, that they were really good dancers.

of course i danced with them, and i felt TALL.

i felt like i was their age.

i felt like i should be their height.

i don't know how to describe it, but i was definitely having "a moment."

you know how different things trigger memories and feelings of nostalgia in different people? i can't even describe how, but it suddenly hit me how OLD i was. after they went to bed i sat down on the couch, just remembering (and maaaaybe crying a little?).

where did my life go? where did my childhood go?

life just keeps accelerating, time passes by faster and faster.

my guess is, it'll only swirl past more quickly as we get older.

i am reminded of how fleeting life is, how little time we have on this earth.

it's so easy to forget, but i want to start living by a more eternal perspective...